Joke thread

[MikeJones]

Gay Bob goes into the doctor's office and has blood tests run. The
doctor comes back and says, "Bob, I'm going straight to the point. You have
AIDS."

Gay Bob is devastated. "Doctor, what can I do?".

The doctor says, "Eat a sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots
drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, one box
of Grape Nuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."

Gay Bob asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"

Doc replies, "No, but it should leave you with a better understanding
of what your ass is for."

[Biggin]

two rednecks are driving down the road getting hammered on budweiser.

they drive along for a while, getting really drunk. a policeman gets behind them and turns its lights on. the two rednecks panic and start throwing bottles around. one grabs a bottle and rips the label off and sticks it on his forehead.

the cop walks up and asks for the drivers papers. the man hands him his license and stuff. the cop look at the driver and sees the label on his forehead, and smells the excess of beer in the truck. he asks the driver, 'have you had anything to drink tonight buddy"?

the driver goes,
nope, im on the patch